Odes To a Dead Elm

limeric

There once was a tree in our garden

Whose trunk was not exactly hardened

To prevent destruction

We gave pros instructions

To cut down the fucker (with our pardons)

haiku

large rotted tree sways

a storm blows fiercely through town

flattened saturn vue

epic

'Ere the dawn of Saturday morn,

Sir Ryan did ride forth from the quiet still of his garage.

Bearing his saw of chain, Remington, the morning sun glinting upon the links.

Gazing upon the Elmbeast,

And raising the visor of his cap,

Sir Ryan spake unto the tree of trees and declared,

"Elmbeast! Thou hast been as a plague

Upon this verdant land! I mean to end you."

Elmbeast rocked gently through the thick air,

And deigned not a reply.

Sir Ryan's fury was thereupon stoked fullest,

And he strode toward the electrical outlet

From whence Remington could pull that spark

That wouldst be the undoing of Elmbeast.

Unfurling his extension cord,

Sir Ryan made toward the Elmbeast.

And declaring himself at the undead tree,

He depressed the lever to give life to Remington.

Remington wailed unto the morning

The tale of his one-thousand watts of power

And did bite into the bark of the Elmbeast.

The Elmbeast was unmoved, 

And resisted not, was wounded not.

Remington's wail continued unabated

As it smote the Elmbeast again and again, fruitless.

And when the Elmbeast did succumb

With a crash to alarm the neighboring land's Yorkie and Wiener

Sir Rigo of Midstate did grin.

And from the air-conditioned luxury of his den,

Sir Ryan quaffed his ale,

And declaring his approval of the seasoned tree-feller's work,

Sir Ryan did offer forth his credit card.