How to get someone's attention

I know some of you read a lot of blogs. I do too. The ones that don't have GFC are harder to keep up with because I hate getting posts emailed to me, but I have a long favorites list on my browser so I can keep up with these uncooperative blogs (that's not completely fair. It's actually totally unfair for me to say they're uncooperative.  But it's said and I cannot erase it).  I just have my ways of following people and that's that.  

Anyway, there's a blog I go to that is pretty darn famous. The design there is pretty vanilla, but there's enough personality in the writing that I can't stop visiting.

And you know what? They don't like me there.  I haven't figured out why, but after a year of commenting, I think it's clear the blogger'd be happy if I never visited again.  In fact, I bet in their home, there's a list of doofus bloggers they'd like to punch in the gut, and I'm at the top of it.

How do I know this so definitively?  Because they never ever reply to my comments.  Even if 99% of comments have a witty reply, even if I'm the first to do it for the day (quite a feat considering how many they get), even if I'm on my best online behavior (don't be a tool, Starr, don't be a tool!), I don't even get a winky-face in response.  I get...silence.

You know, Starr, they get a zillion hits a month.  They're probably just busy.


Oh, it's you--how've you been?  How'd that liposuction/butt lift go last month? Anyway, how could they be busy *every time* I comment?

Do you need an ice cream? I think you're a little too upset about something silly.

I'm not upset, I'm just hungry for pie!

Well, I'm not upset.  I just think it's funny.  Funny in a "why did I eat beans the night before the big job interview" kind of way.  I mean, any blogger is in it for the glory, even if it's just 1% of the motivation behind public writing.  It's a big exercise in "LOOK AT ME BE AWESOME!", so of course I'd rather not feel anonymous in Bloglandia.

So I've been practicing some new comments to leave to see if I'll get acknowledgement.  I love really personalized comments around here, and the ol' cut and paste is a cop-out.  Here are some I've come up with:

1) OMG UR stuff is GORGEOUS!  I don't want to sound desperate, but can we be best friends? I'll be waiting to meet you at the Long John Silver's on Veterans on Friday night at 7pm.  Write back soon!

2) Yeah, your house is just okay.  I mean, I saw something just like it in the Pottery Barn Catalog.

3) I totes luv the fact you posted 100 photos on how to huff spray paint--oddly refreshing you can live out your addiction online. Wait, that was an art project? My bad.

4) WHY DO YOU NOT LOVE ME?

I think all four of these are winners.  Any more ideas you have?  The nuttier the better. They're more likely to get *something* in response, even if it's a cease&desist order.

Because a photo of sausage is always appropriate.